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more rants and ramblings from the man himself

I think it was on my fifth birthday that my Grandad put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.’

That phrase was maybe not quite what my wonderful Grandad told me way back when but it’s close enough. He was the man I’d most like to be like and I miss him and my Nana as much today as I did when they passed away. Their loss is like an emotional scar that will never fully heal. I miss their wisdom, their ability to consider things so clearly and so deftly express an opinion. I could use it now, and I’m sure I can speak for my cousins and sister who would equally love to hear their wise words too sometimes.

The anniversary of the date of my birth is approaching and so my thoughts about birthdays past are on my mind. My Nanas birthday was the day after mine and so I can remember many happy memories of birthday parties around her house as a child, with my cousins and extended family all around, lots of games and generally having the opportunity to be surrounded by those I care about. Of course as we all got older, that happened less and less and the passing of first my Grandad and then my Nana put an end to such family occasions.

I am fortunate to be the father to wonderful boys whom I love very much and whom I am very proud of and their birthdays as children were always happy days as they enjoyed themselves but again as they are growing older, those joyous days are fewer too. Such is life, your children grow up as we all grow older.

Over the last few years, circumstances have meant that some of my birthdays have been less than positive. Events meant I have spend some of them alone and those who perhaps should make an effort to remember me chose not to do so or simply forgot. This can be a tad embarrassing, I can remember two years ago going out to buy something so I could pretend it was a birthday present, rather than having to respond to questions from colleagues about ‘What did you get for your birthday?’ with the answer ‘Nothing’.

I always try to remember those I love on the important days in their life but I have learned that I can not expect the same in return. As a rule, that simply doesn’t happen where I am concerned and I wonder if that was what my Grandad was trying to tell me all those years ago. That I would have to expect to be on my own in many ways and would simply have to deal with it. It wasn’t a choice, it was a reality and I’d better get used to it. Now it’s fine for me to put others first, but I can not expect that to be returned because as a rule it won’t be.

Some people are important, I have learnt from experience of the way others deal with me that I am not so I have to look after myself as no-one else will. I made a note of what my Grandad said way back when as at the time I really wasn’t sure what he was trying to tell me. Now I know. In hindsight his words might seem harsh to say to someone so young, but the man was really doing me a favour. Better to know what the score is upfront than be disappointed by the actions or in-actions of others. I think I’ll follow his wise advice. His words ring true over the intervening years and so I’d better listen to them. I just wish he was still around so I could get some more pearls of wisdom from the man.

Thre are some nights which you should always remember, your first gig is one of theme and Rammstein will hopefully be memorable for Jack. A totally awesome night.

I WANDER’D lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o’er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine

And twinkle on the Milky Way,

They stretch’d in never-ending line

Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they

Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:

A poet could not but be gay,

In such a jocund company:

I gazed — and gazed — but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

Happy St. David’s Day!