Lower and lower….

I write this blog now for others, I accept I might never read this blog in the future. I have been forced to conclude I am just plain broken as a person, I can no longer be fixed. I feel like a dog that has been run over, I just need to be put down. I’m broken beyond any possible repair. All that I wanted, had and loved has been removed from me, I am empty aside from pain, hurt and loss. If I had the money, I’d seek help in Switzerland at Digitas but I do not have that option currently. So my modus operandi remains the same. I just hope I can last out enough to execute the final solution.

I must mention to having two people contact me in the last few days which I did not expect, 2 more than expected, 2 more than I deserve. I am most grateful for that and their consideration means much but I have been forced to conclude that with regret it is questionable whether I am able to stop myself from being sectioned under the Mental Health Act should that be an issue. With the best intent in the world, even I would question that of myself.  I’m in very serious trouble and no longer care about me at all. I used to, but I don’t now. I’m just plain done and so I recognise I will have no choice but to lie to people about how I am from now on to ensure my final plan can be concluded. After the event, hopefully those who read this will understand why I had to do that. I hope they do anyway.

Now to put up a front of normality until I can execute the last step of my leaving. For those whom might read this after I pass, be aware that oblivion is FAR better than I have now, so be happy that I am no longer in pain.

admin posted at 2017-12-10 Category: Family